Thoughts on Kedoshim (5782/2022)
(Lev. 19:1 – 20:27)
[Dvar Torah given on 4/29/22 — The Shabbat of Joey W.’s bar mitzvah]
Shabbat is always a special time for the Jewish people. It’s our most important holy day, more important than Yom Kippur, more important than Passover, more important than Chanukah. The poet and philosopher Asher Ginsberg (aka “Achad Ha’am”), who lived from 1856 to 1927 famously put it: "More than the Jews have kept Shabbat, Shabbat has kept the Jews."
This sacred time from Friday evening to Saturday evening each week affords us an opportunity to step back from the rushed pace of weekday concerns, to reconnect with our loved ones, to remind ourselves of our blessings, and to commune with God.
Of course, as the Achad Ha’am quote suggests, our ability and commitment to fully immerse ourselves in the spirit of Shabbat is often far from 100%. But the more we put into that effort, the more we will get out of it. The sweetness of our gathering together right now as a community is just a taste of what could be.
All Sabbaths are special but this one is especially special! For this is the Shabbat when we welcome the fine young man sitting behind me into his status as a full member of the Jewish community. That’s what Bar Mitzvah is all about. Joey may not yet be old enough to drive, or to vote in American elections, but we now regard him as an adult in terms of his status in the Jewish community.
What this means is that Joey (like any young person reaching the age of Bar or Bat Mitzvah) is entitled to have their thoughts, beliefs and opinions respected. And, conversely, that they are responsible for their actions.
This classic Jewish idea that age of 13 signals a change in status goes back almost two thousand years, to the Mishnah, where in the tractate “Pirke Avot” we learn בֶּן שְׁלשׁ עֶשְׂרֵה לַמִּצְוֹת age thirteen for mitzvot. In other words, age 13 for being responsible for one’s own sense of right and wrong.
Parents teach and compel a child’s behavior but, like it or not, the teen years bring on a transformation.
And, would you believe it – science apparently bears this out!
Literally, just yesterday, scientists from Stanford University published a study in the Journal of Neurosciece with the fancy title: “A neurodevelopmental shift in reward circuitry from mother’s to nonfamilial voices in adolescence”. [1]
From what I gather from the news coverage around this new study, it seems that from infancy to around age 13, a child’s brainwaves instinctively react to the voice of one’s mother. But from age 13 on --- the voices of others have a stronger effect. Here’s how all this is described in an article released today on the website of the British newspaper the “Daily Mail” :
“The study by the Stanford School of Medicine used functional MRI brain scans to give the first detailed neurobiological explanation for how teenagers begin to separate from their parents.
It suggests that when your teenagers don't seem to hear you, it's not simply that they don't want to clean their room or finish their homework — their brains aren't registering your voice the way they did in pre-teenage years.
'Just as an infant knows to tune into her mother's voice, an adolescent knows to tune into novel voices,' said lead study author Daniel Abrams, clinical associate professor of psychiatry and behavioural sciences.
'As a teen, you don't know you're doing this. You're just being you: You've got your friends and new companions and you want to spend time with them.
'Your mind is increasingly sensitive to and attracted to these unfamiliar voices.'
In some ways, teenagers' brains are more receptive to all voices — including their mothers' — than the brains of children under 12, the researchers discovered, a finding that lines up with teenagers' increased interest in many types of social signals.
But in teenage brains, the reward circuits and the brain centres that prioritise important stimuli are more activated by unfamiliar voices than by those of their mothers.
The brain's shift toward new voices is an aspect of healthy maturation, the researchers said.
'A child becomes independent at some point, and that has to be precipitated by an underlying biological signal,' said the study's senior author Vinod Menon, a professor of psychiatry and behavioural sciences.
'That's what we've uncovered: This is a signal that helps teens engage with the world and form connections which allow them to be socially adept outside their families.'[2]
-----
None of this, not the mishnah’s teaching about בֶּן שְׁלשׁ עֶשְׂרֵה לַמִּצְוֹת nor the new Stanford University study about changes in brain wave patterns at age 13 – none of this means that a teenager should stop respecting their parents. Most of us are familiar with the fourth of the 10 Commandments that we find back in Exodus 20:12 ---
כַּבֵּ֥ד אֶת־אָבִ֖יךָ וְאֶת־אִמֶּ֑ךָ
Honor your father and your mother…
In this week’s Torah portion, Parashat Kedoshim, at Leviticus 19:3, that idea is reiterated in slightly different language:
אִ֣ישׁ אִמּ֤וֹ וְאָבִיו֙ תִּירָ֔אוּ
You shall each revere your mother and your father,
Notice that the order of the parents is flipped -- In the Exodus quote father comes first, while in the Leviticus quote mother comes first.
One commentary that I read about this suggests that both versions appear in the Torah in order to show that a person should respect their parents equally.
(And I’d argue that we can also apply this idea to families with two Dads or two Moms --- whatever your family structure is – if you are in a two-parent household you should respect each of your parents equally).
But what I find really fascinating, especially in the context of Joey’s Bar Mitzvah this Shabbat, is the second half of that verse from this week’s parasha, Leviticus 19:3:
As I mentioned a moment ago – the verse begins with the words
אִ֣ישׁ אִמּ֤וֹ וְאָבִיו֙ תִּירָ֔אוּ
You shall each revere your mother and your father,
BUT THE FULL VERSE READS AS FOLLOWS:
אִ֣ישׁ אִמּ֤וֹ וְאָבִיו֙ תִּירָ֔אוּ
ואֶת־שַׁבְּתֹתַ֖י תִּשְׁמֹ֑רוּ אֲנִ֖י יְהֹוָ֥ה אֱלֹהֵיכֶֽם׃
You shall each revere your mother and your father, and keep My sabbaths: I יהוה am your God.
We might well ask --- what does revering your mother and father have to do with the commandment of keeping the Sabbath, and why does the verse end with the reminder “I am Adonai your God”
Here’s what the medieval commentator Rashi, citing a teaching in the Talmud, says about that:
סָמַךְ שַׁבָּת לְמוֹרָא אָב, לוֹמַר אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁהִזְהַרְתִּיךָ עַל מוֹרָא אָב, אִם יֹאמַר לְךָ חַלֵּל אֶת הַשַּׁבָּת, אַל תִּשְׁמַע לוֹ, וְכֵן בִּשְׁאָר כָּל הַמִּצְווֹת (בבא מציעא ל"ב):
Scripture places the commandment of observing the Sabbath immediately after that of revering one’s parent in order to suggest the following: “Although I [the Eternal] admonish you regarding the reverence due to your parent, yet if [your parent] bids you: "Desecrate the Sabbath", do not listen to [your parent]”— and the same is the case with any of the other commandments.
(So says Rashi commenting on Leviticus 19:3 and citing Bava Metzia 32a of the Talmud)
Okay, far be it from me to suggest that Gerry or Devyn would ever order Joey to commit a sin.
But I think the teaching here can be expressed in a more general manner --- That’s the idea that once you reach your teenage years,
once someone like Joey reaches the age of Bar Mitzvah,
once any of us starts to transition into being a grown up ---
Once that happens -- we are called upon to continue to respect our elders and look to them for guidance but we also are now called upon to exercise independent judgment and follow our consciences.
That’s what it means to be a Jewish adult.
Another one of my favorite Jewish teachings is where it says, also in Pirke Avot:
אֵיזֶהוּ חָכָם, הַלּוֹמֵד מִכָּל אָדָם
Who is wise? The one who learns from every person.[3]
Joey has a lifetime ahead of him.
And for Joey, as for the rest of us, there always remains so much to learn. But if we want to attain wisdom, we should also strive to learn from every person.
I know I speak not just for myself, but for all of us gathered here, when I say that we all look forward to learning from Joey, both tomorrow morning when he will share his dvar torah with us, as well as in the days and years to come.
Shabbat shalom.
(c) Rabbi David Steinberg
April 2022/ Nisan 5782
[1] https://www.jneurosci.org/content/early/2022/04/06/JNEUROSCI.2018-21.2022
[2] https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-10763435/Teenagers-brains-start-tuning-mothers-voice-age-13-study-finds.html
[3] Pirke Avot 4:1
